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by Alex

Life’s messed up isn’t it? You grow up thinking you know who you are, or where you came from and then all of a sudden you find out that you really know very little, and that everything you’ve been brought up to believe may or may not be a lie. Oh, and by the way, your dad, the one who you thought was dead for the past thirteen years, well he’s alive. He’d like you to come live with him for a while, even though he’s pretty much a complete stranger.

I don’t know who to be angrier with, my mom for lying to me all these years or my dad for being such a jerk that he gave my mom no choice but to leave. It’s pretty hard to make this decision, since neither of them seems to want to tell me the truth. They both want me to be on their side, but neither one is willing to be completely honest with me so how I trust them enough to side either way. My mom with her constant moving around and simply avoiding the issue, and then my dad (I don’t even feel comfortable calling him that) with his pent up rage and his sudden mood swings.  I’m not even sure I want to get to know him any better.

Do I really even need a father figure right now? The majority of my growing up is done. I’m pretty sure the person I am is who I’m going to be, and my mom did a decent enough job of raising me to this point in my life so why should I get to know this stranger? I guess it’s more curiosity then anything at this point. Regardless of whether or not I want to think about this man being part of me, it could be somewhat beneficial to find out a bit more about him.    

The truth is that I really don’t know what I want. It’s totally different now then it was when I saw him in Calgary. I thought I’d just drive away and not have to worry about it anymore. I wanted to know who he was, I saw him and I left, that’s all. Now he’s sort of forced himself into my world, and it’s exciting and scary at the same time. One thing’s certain though; I’m not going to run away just because he knows where we are. He said he’s not going to turn mom in, and for some reason I believe him. All I can do now is take things in stride, because at this point I think it’s pretty much impossible for things to get any more screwed up than they already are.




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